The best part about day to day life with my husband is (he makes me laugh, he’s smart, he’s a good cook) that he doesn’t get after me for leaving my clothes in the dryer for daysss because he does it too. Bless our hearts

I'm cooking things, which is good, but I'm making lots of weird, blind recipe modifications. Like matcha muffins today, but I'm leaving out the sugar - not substituting with honey or cutting the portion size, just leaving it out. maybe it'll taste bad but Malachi won't know better so he'll eat it anyway? maybe they’ll be tasty and the matcha is sweet enough? orrr maybe I'll give them to Achilles. standby!!

My problem with small talk is I start talking about uninteresting and/or way too personal things. Tonight, I was 1 minute away from bringing up how my new routine of eating a PBJ before bed (for the calories) is helping my wound to heal faster. who have I BECOME I USED TO BE GOOD AT THIS STUFF

I have a cute lil gap between two of my bottom teeth that only shows up when my teeth are perfectly clean. So if I see a dark spot I first confirm that it’s not a piece of food (common) then I know it’s just the gap. I saw the spot midday yesterday, not after brushing my teeth (& it wasn’t food). Does that make sense? I'm proud of myself and this is the only place I can brag

I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t pull up plants by accident anymore
(I thought they were weeds!!!), but now I'm just hunting out the weed. I even pull them sometimes when we’re sitting in front of our (new) neighbor's house (that's still under construction. we watch the trucks). It’s just so saaaaatisfying

Me and my grandfather bonding over wound care supplies — honey. Finally, someone who speaks my love language (wounds)

Nothing tastes better than water at night after it’s too late to drink water. noooothing.

This isn’t a pointless post because I’m wondering if anyone else has a water cutoff time?? Or is it just us paralyzed folk?

The difference between parting my hair in the middle and on the side is COMICAL. In the middle it’s “I’m having an ugly day today. Good thing I married and he doesn’t really care,” and on the side I’m “ok, safe to leave the bathroom and say ‘good morning’ to him. No need to check a mirror until late afternoon.” I’m serious about this

I don’t know what the stage is, but it feels like having to wear a wet (from washing it the night before and letting it hang dry) bra is reaching a new stage in my life. I don’t love it, it’s just new

I loveee finding out that somebody who looked at you rudely is actually a sweet person and it’s just their face. This is your sign to challenge the RBFs. I made a friend!

The fact that I’m willing to skip a massage because I don’t want to be away from Malachi for that long (50 minutes?!) is riiidiculous, even in my opinion. Obsessive, almost. help I love him so much

(i didn’t skip don’t worryyyy. but it was tempting)

I described my hair length as “down to my T10 vertebrae. ?? if you know you know, I guess

The fact that my favorite children’s musician(!) won’t share my instagram posts to his story when I tag him is sad and confusing. This is the biggest issue in my life right now

I need you guys to realize that I don’t like crowds because people’s fart air blows into my mouth

sharing a bed with Malachi (first time)on the cruise: I tried to smack Chris to wake him up and stop snoring, I definitely stuck my fingers in Malachi’s mouth

In Costa Maya (ported from cruise ship) they tried to upsell me under eye cream for FORTY MINUTES to fix the “dark circles” under eyes, but it’s juuust mascara folks. I juuust don’t wash my makeup off and I juuust don’t know how to say “I’m not interested! Don’t bother trying because I’ll only make an excuse about ‘I have to ask my husband before spending $1,500 on skincare, then I’ll never come back!” That’s what I told him and he said “that’s what everyone says and never comes back.” Sad! and I’m still thinking about it 6 days later

I don’t realize how much I depend on looking in the toilet to see the color of my pee (to see if I’m drinking enough) until the toilet water is blue (because of a cleaning tablet). I haven’t see my pee in a week and do I have a uti?? or am I doing a great job drinking??

I wrote my first fan mail! absolutely GUSHING like a loony to a children’s book author (Nancy Tillman) and she responded to my email. She’s the biggest celebrity in my life right now, this feels like a life highlight. she freakin’ responded to me

(& told me she’s working on another book, & said my note was LOVELY instead of creepy, & my family is beautiful, & to send a kiss to Malachi) I can’t wait to tell him about it when he’s older. Hopefully he’ll care?!

Remember that time I bought fancy nail polish and decided it’s my Pregnancy Polish that I’ll only wear when I get pregnant. But I’m still not pregnant and I wanna wear the nail polish but two people know it’s my Pregnancy Polish so I don’t want to fake them out and also I want to stay strong because it’ll be even better to wear when I’m actually pregnant.

It’s just nail polish, y’all. why am I like this

I realized I might be tickling Malachi tooooo much when he threw up. He just sat still and THREW UP all the way down his front. so we changed clothes and continued play because I’m a cool mom (!?)