It’s midnight and I just woke up from sleep* to eat a piece of pizza* with my husband.
I’ll bring up this night for the next 6 months if anyone dares say I’m not as wild fun crazy as I used to be. PRETTY COOL, HUH?
I (accidentally) started this thing where I won’t swallow food that I don’t like and isn’t worth the sugar, calories, etc. I spit it in my napkin!
can’t make me eat unhealthy and not tasty food anymore!
Not sure if it’s “good for you, girl!” or “bad manners, Kristin.” Regardless, I feel empowered. I only do it when eating breakfast or lunch alone with Malachi and it’s always food that I made, but still
I’ll post it every year: I love being paralyzed in the winter because I can stick my cold hands in my pants when I’m lying in bed to warm them up, and not feel a thing. major life hack
“I don’t need to go to the doctor. I’ve been doing a wound care for so long, I know what to .”
Meanwhile: me using wound dressings that expired in 2022
Me at my peak is returning 26 [children’s] books of the library today because 1. I’m returning them all, picking up more; 2. TWENTY SIX ; and 3. I’m raising a book loving boy. This is my peak
Just thinking about how I gave my college boyfriend a box of latex gloves for a Valentine’s Day gift, and he gave me a cd, a frog figurine(?), and paid for dinner. I was in college - there’s no excuse for this. Latex gloves?
The progression of Malachi’s Winnie the Pooh beanie baby:
Winnie the Pooh -> Winnie -> Pooh -> now we only call him Poo Poo. that’s a victory
The fact that I can just forget to wear underwear* is so wild to me. how can I even justify that distraction? i can’t
* not meant to be sexy or even cute – more like “HAHA paralysis”
Today, Malachi said “mama ate poo poo” over and over all afternoon. HAHA can this please be foreshadowing
I transferred to a shower bench with a raisin stick to my pants, it soaked up water and became soft, then I saw it when getting back in my wheelchair. How am I NOT supposed to think it’s poop???
** it’s definitely a raisin
Malachi has a beanie baby of Winnie the Pooh, but I called him Winnie, then Pooh, then Poo Poo. Now he just sleeps with poo poo it’s great
Malachi‘s new skill to show off: I ask “Malachi, where’s your butt crack?” and he credit cards himself
I sliced the tip of my thumb in HALF with a sharp knife while doing the most simple bread cut, but I’m keeping it a seeecret. because I won’t be trusted with sharp knives anymore.
These are mind games of my marriage
(all justified)
Sometimes Malachi squeezes it because he doesn’t know better and I just smile through it!!!! I love him so much!!!!
I'm not understanding why women want the thigh gap. I have one and it's OBNOXIOUS - when I carry anything in my lap, it falls between my legs and I have to dig for it (cute). I just put a handful of cashews on my thigh. you can imagine how that went
Updated indication of wealth: do you use Draino (only 3 uses per jug!!) or a mania drain snake to unclog the shower and sink drains? we have Draino in the closet but I can’t bring myself to use it when I have the plastic piece. So what does that say about me? Mentally single-income-minded, and realistically has ~$10 to buy convenience of Draino.
Is this making sense or am I losing my mind
A very clear sign I need to update my wardrobe:
I saw a Facebook memory picture from 13 years ago and I’m wearing the same shirt, same pants.
But it still fits! Can’t justify throwing it away!!
I wrote out this confession and then I thought, “Why confess? No one is making you confess.” but then I answered “the people need to know.”
Christopher cooks dinner and I clean up, but I love it because if he doesn’t finish something on his plate, I can eat it up. I am a traaaash woman
Welcome winter, welcome back the greatest cold-weather-hack of paralysis: lying my cold little hands on my warm-skin lower body (in bed) and not feeling the cold part, just the warm. hehehe