Things I’m teaching Malachi that miiiight be a problem (but it’s OK I don’t care):
Firing a fart cannon (throwing his fart) at me every night before bed
We play a “ where the Gummies?” game every day at night time where he has to reach on my shirt and get the Gummies that I stuck somewhere in my bra
Poops are still “turd worms”. I hope this one sticks
I remember in college I was telling somebody about my jet ski accident, how I got paralyzed, etc. and my voice kept cracking because I had a cold, but it happened when I was telling the dramatic “then I got a spinal cord injury” part, so it seemed like I was about to cry. So I told her “My voice is cracking because I have a cold, not because I’m crying” And she kept saying “ It’s OK to be emotional. It was a big deal.”
That happened 3 times and oooo it made me so mad (but I didn't show it because she meant well) (but now here I am, thinking about it 13 years later)
I’m living in the opposite:
I woke up early, 8:15, and I want to(/I might!!!) go wake up Malachi because I simply cannottttt wait to see him. what is wrong with me
We got a Ring camera that sends us alerts when someone is at our front door. It’s impressive, descriptive. This morning, lying in bed (at 8:30), I looked at my phone to an alert that “a person in a wheelchair is sitting at your front door” at 6am.
It wasn’t me sooo who is using my backup chair to sit at my door???
The problem with a thigh gap:
when I’m sitting down (I always am) and trying to carry something (food) on my lap, it falls into my crotch and I have to dig it out. Gimme the thigh fat back
I just took the final exam for traffic school 🫠 and look what I got wrong. I chose D
24. When the road gets rough:
A. speed up to quickly get through the rough spots.
B. slow down and retain control of your vehicle.
C. turn around and find an alternate route.
D. turn on your radio or have a cigarette to relax.
HAHA I need to slow down, maybe
I’m so proud of myself for drinking my whole 30oz water bottle by the end of the day but I looked it up and I’m supposed to be drinking 75oz a day????? who does that
Teaching Malachi to call his poop a “turd worm” is my accomplishment this week (can’t WAIT TO START homeschooling)
There’s a special level of joy that - thank you very much - only a new water can bring me. I need to find a Water Bottle Lovers online forum so I can talk about my new (Owala FreeSip 30oz) as much as I want to
Just coming here to say
in all my years of unloading the dishwasher, I have always ignored the rule “Don’t take the dishes out when they’re hot, or they’ll break” and none of my dishes have ever hot-broken
Malachi I have a new game where we eat toothpaste(!), then run around the house yelling “TOO SPICY, TOO SPICY.”
who needs toys?
I just put Malachi to nap and he just decided “I can’t walk.” So he crawled up his stool, dragged himself onto the bed, and flopped around on his side. Told he “when I wake up I yell ‘mama bring me wheelchair’” and I’ll bring him his purple wheelchair. Loves me so much? Or MOCKING ME? (it’s love)
my It’s Almost Summer motto and the reason I’ve had a cold for the past 2 weeks: dress for the weather you want, not for the weather that is
all of the (gummy) vitamins I take are so yummy and delicious that it’s hard to believe they’re actually good for me.
— take your vitamins in gummy. it’s my life hack
Last night I was wondering how I got a cut on the tip of my right thumb, then this morning Malachi asked for an apple without the “wrapping” (skin) on it. I went to cut it off for him and sliced the tip of my left thumb in the same place. YAY, I figured it out! HEY, don’t give me a knife!