Malachi I have a new game where we eat toothpaste(!), then run around the house yelling “TOO SPICY, TOO SPICY.”
who needs toys?
I just put Malachi to nap and he just decided “I can’t walk.” So he crawled up his stool, dragged himself onto the bed, and flopped around on his side. Told he “when I wake up I yell ‘mama bring me wheelchair’” and I’ll bring him his purple wheelchair. Loves me so much? Or MOCKING ME? (it’s love)
my It’s Almost Summer motto and the reason I’ve had a cold for the past 2 weeks: dress for the weather you want, not for the weather that is
all of the (gummy) vitamins I take are so yummy and delicious that it’s hard to believe they’re actually good for me.
— take your vitamins in gummy. it’s my life hack
Last night I was wondering how I got a cut on the tip of my right thumb, then this morning Malachi asked for an apple without the “wrapping” (skin) on it. I went to cut it off for him and sliced the tip of my left thumb in the same place. YAY, I figured it out! HEY, don’t give me a knife!
Malachi woke up this morning and said, "you in wheelchair, Mama" and I was happy that he was getting it, becoming aware! next thing out of his mouth - "you have big head" 🫠
I bought a handheld steam cleaner and I’m soOoOoOo (flippin) excited. This is who I am now, a good ol’ homemaker
Also my back is killin because Malachi and I were at the library for so long today. what does that make me???
I would love a conversation with someone else who knows how many toilet paper squares they use per session (5 for initial, 2 for every consecutive). Am I a LOON or does anyone else keep track???
How I look aside — I forgot how much I love getting a haircut because my head is minus 1.5 pounds of hair and the new is so HEALTHY. I just don’t look in the mirror because it’s croOoOoked. But we don’t care, right?! We love ‘er anyway!
(the more I care about evening it out, the shorter it’ll get. I simply can’t afford to lose more)
signs that my DIY haircut wasn't the cuuuuutest idea:
it took me 4 minutes
there is TONS of hair in the trash for my "about an inch" intention
laughing [at how bad] while I did it
it's in a ponytail so I can not show Christopher for as long as possible but I told him about it on the phone and immediately followed with “but I have a great personality”
It’s midnight and I just woke up from sleep* to eat a piece of pizza* with my husband.
I’ll bring up this night for the next 6 months if anyone dares say I’m not as wild fun crazy as I used to be. PRETTY COOL, HUH?
I (accidentally) started this thing where I won’t swallow food that I don’t like and isn’t worth the sugar, calories, etc. I spit it in my napkin!
can’t make me eat unhealthy and not tasty food anymore!
Not sure if it’s “good for you, girl!” or “bad manners, Kristin.” Regardless, I feel empowered. I only do it when eating breakfast or lunch alone with Malachi and it’s always food that I made, but still
I’ll post it every year: I love being paralyzed in the winter because I can stick my cold hands in my pants when I’m lying in bed to warm them up, and not feel a thing. major life hack
“I don’t need to go to the doctor. I’ve been doing a wound care for so long, I know what to .”
Meanwhile: me using wound dressings that expired in 2022
Me at my peak is returning 26 [children’s] books of the library today because 1. I’m returning them all, picking up more; 2. TWENTY SIX ; and 3. I’m raising a book loving boy. This is my peak
Just thinking about how I gave my college boyfriend a box of latex gloves for a Valentine’s Day gift, and he gave me a cd, a frog figurine(?), and paid for dinner. I was in college - there’s no excuse for this. Latex gloves?
The progression of Malachi’s Winnie the Pooh beanie baby:
Winnie the Pooh -> Winnie -> Pooh -> now we only call him Poo Poo. that’s a victory
The fact that I can just forget to wear underwear* is so wild to me. how can I even justify that distraction? i can’t
* not meant to be sexy or even cute – more like “HAHA paralysis”
Today, Malachi said “mama ate poo poo” over and over all afternoon. HAHA can this please be foreshadowing