Malachi woke up this morning and said, "you in wheelchair, Mama" and I was happy that he was getting it, becoming aware! next thing out of his mouth - "you have big head" 🫠
I bought a handheld steam cleaner and I’m soOoOoOo (flippin) excited. This is who I am now, a good ol’ homemaker
Also my back is killin because Malachi and I were at the library for so long today. what does that make me???
I would love a conversation with someone else who knows how many toilet paper squares they use per session (5 for initial, 2 for every consecutive). Am I a LOON or does anyone else keep track???
How I look aside — I forgot how much I love getting a haircut because my head is minus 1.5 pounds of hair and the new is so HEALTHY. I just don’t look in the mirror because it’s croOoOoked. But we don’t care, right?! We love ‘er anyway!
(the more I care about evening it out, the shorter it’ll get. I simply can’t afford to lose more)
signs that my DIY haircut wasn't the cuuuuutest idea:
it took me 4 minutes
there is TONS of hair in the trash for my "about an inch" intention
laughing [at how bad] while I did it
it's in a ponytail so I can not show Christopher for as long as possible but I told him about it on the phone and immediately followed with “but I have a great personality”
It’s midnight and I just woke up from sleep* to eat a piece of pizza* with my husband.
I’ll bring up this night for the next 6 months if anyone dares say I’m not as wild fun crazy as I used to be. PRETTY COOL, HUH?
I (accidentally) started this thing where I won’t swallow food that I don’t like and isn’t worth the sugar, calories, etc. I spit it in my napkin!
can’t make me eat unhealthy and not tasty food anymore!
Not sure if it’s “good for you, girl!” or “bad manners, Kristin.” Regardless, I feel empowered. I only do it when eating breakfast or lunch alone with Malachi and it’s always food that I made, but still
I’ll post it every year: I love being paralyzed in the winter because I can stick my cold hands in my pants when I’m lying in bed to warm them up, and not feel a thing. major life hack
“I don’t need to go to the doctor. I’ve been doing a wound care for so long, I know what to .”
Meanwhile: me using wound dressings that expired in 2022
Me at my peak is returning 26 [children’s] books of the library today because 1. I’m returning them all, picking up more; 2. TWENTY SIX ; and 3. I’m raising a book loving boy. This is my peak
Just thinking about how I gave my college boyfriend a box of latex gloves for a Valentine’s Day gift, and he gave me a cd, a frog figurine(?), and paid for dinner. I was in college - there’s no excuse for this. Latex gloves?
The progression of Malachi’s Winnie the Pooh beanie baby:
Winnie the Pooh -> Winnie -> Pooh -> now we only call him Poo Poo. that’s a victory
The fact that I can just forget to wear underwear* is so wild to me. how can I even justify that distraction? i can’t
* not meant to be sexy or even cute – more like “HAHA paralysis”
Today, Malachi said “mama ate poo poo” over and over all afternoon. HAHA can this please be foreshadowing
I transferred to a shower bench with a raisin stick to my pants, it soaked up water and became soft, then I saw it when getting back in my wheelchair. How am I NOT supposed to think it’s poop???
** it’s definitely a raisin
Malachi has a beanie baby of Winnie the Pooh, but I called him Winnie, then Pooh, then Poo Poo. Now he just sleeps with poo poo it’s great
Malachi‘s new skill to show off: I ask “Malachi, where’s your butt crack?” and he credit cards himself
I sliced the tip of my thumb in HALF with a sharp knife while doing the most simple bread cut, but I’m keeping it a seeecret. because I won’t be trusted with sharp knives anymore.
These are mind games of my marriage
(all justified)
Sometimes Malachi squeezes it because he doesn’t know better and I just smile through it!!!! I love him so much!!!!
I'm not understanding why women want the thigh gap. I have one and it's OBNOXIOUS - when I carry anything in my lap, it falls between my legs and I have to dig for it (cute). I just put a handful of cashews on my thigh. you can imagine how that went