I’ve realized that a new phase I’m going through is adding “, truly” to things I say over text. So I don’t know why THAT started

Christopher said he was going to put me in a home if I didn’t drink my water at dinner

I am convinced that drinking matcha tea will get me pregnant. Not my husband and not a healthy diet, drinking matcha. Stay tuned in 2 months when I’ll reveal

Another check in:

Malachi sleeps with 16 stuffed animals in his bed. And do we know how to say no to another? nope

Update on Malachi’s speech: he doesn’t say much, but he knows “boob”.

We were playing with a calculator so I showed him the 8008 trick, told him what it is, and he “boob boob boob boob” at least 30 more times and as I was leaving his room at naptime.

proud of me! taught him a new word!

I thought my son was giving me a humongous hug, then I realize he’s reaching behind to grab my ponytail and lacing it through his toes. no, I don’t need to shower. Why do you ask?

cooonstantly I’m justifying (to myself) why I “deserve” to eat Malachi’s food. his cookies and popcorn only, though. like I’m a big sister who steals his good stuff

It’s amazing how I can spend allll day every day, every minute of it until 9:30 bedtime, with Malachi then wake up in the morning and ache for him. I had a doctors appointment before he woke up and I wanted to wake him up before I left. just say “bye”???

cruel and unusual. This is what obsession is, I guess, but is it okay and healthy (yes)

Sometimes I kiss inanimate objects in Malachi’s life? It’s like I don’t know how to express myself, so I just kiss things: his door handle, his shower faucet, a toy, his spoon, and I just smooched some clean laundry. is this normal or a problem I have? potty train his fast or I’ll accidentally kiss a dirty diaper or something

Every month there’s at least one symptom that I say “Ok, that’s happening because I think I’m pregnant this month.” Then turns out I’m not pregnant so I have a new issue to address (or ignore, hope it goes away??) with my body. 

Last month I had a humongous appetite and this month I’m having long-lashing hot flashes. The ever-present is my terrible memory that I dearly miss being able to blame on Pregnancy Brain 

I’m putting a Key Club shirt I got when I was a freshman in high school into the Goodwill pile and I feel like I’m making a mistake. It’s live this long so how can I get rid of it now???

- the justification that leads to a closet full of the same clothes I’ve had since high school And no room to buy stuff that fits comfortably

I’m officially in Mommyhead Territory when I’m searching Amazon for “high-waisted underwear”

Malachi figured out how to pop my handlebars up and move my wheelchair around, so he DOES and I’m just (unless I stop him) moving at his will. It’s so cute and he doesn’t run into walls ever, so he’s already a little better at it than I am

I’m a product reviewer for a gel moisturizer list works well and I give it 5 stars, except it smells like burning Barbie. When they ask me I’ll have to say that but I know they’ll just assume I was one of those children with the Devil inside them.

I’ve never burned a Barbie before (promise) but we all just kinda know how it would smell, right? We just kinda know?

I just messaged someone that I haven’t talked to for 20+ years and don’t know aaaanything about their situation or sensitivities, telling them I think they’d be a good mom. What am I doing? I’m not even bored

I cleaned the mold off my electric toothbrush holder, took a picture, showed it to Christopher while pumping my eyebrows then say “I’ll meet you in the bedroom.” But he DIDN’T COME I’VE LOST MY SEDUCTIVE TOUCH

(made fun of me last week for having so much mold on my holder. is anyone else like me)

Turn Me On by Kevin Lyttle (one hit wonder)

Singing this song to Malachi and he keeps hitting me on the face when I hit high notes  it’s our new game don’t tell me it’s inappropriate

Christopher just told me to “get your dry ashy hands off of me.” HAHAHA I’ve done it, I've isolated myself from all people. it’s just me and Achilles now

I remember right after I got married, the first person other than my husband I was attracted to was Joseph Gordon Levitt and that made he so uncomfortable that I couldn’t watch his show Hit Record. cutie, bby Kristin

I will never again (never, NEVER) take for granted when I can look in the toilet and see the color of my pee. We put toilet-cleaning tablets in the tank that turns the water blue & lasts for about a month, so my pee looks blue in the pot. I haven’t seen my hydration level in a MONTH. I miss yellow pee so much