I described my hair length as “down to my T10 vertebrae. ?? if you know you know, I guess

The fact that my favorite children’s musician(!) won’t share my instagram posts to his story when I tag him is sad and confusing. This is the biggest issue in my life right now

I need you guys to realize that I don’t like crowds because people’s fart air blows into my mouth

sharing a bed with Malachi (first time)on the cruise: I tried to smack Chris to wake him up and stop snoring, I definitely stuck my fingers in Malachi’s mouth

In Costa Maya (ported from cruise ship) they tried to upsell me under eye cream for FORTY MINUTES to fix the “dark circles” under eyes, but it’s juuust mascara folks. I juuust don’t wash my makeup off and I juuust don’t know how to say “I’m not interested! Don’t bother trying because I’ll only make an excuse about ‘I have to ask my husband before spending $1,500 on skincare, then I’ll never come back!” That’s what I told him and he said “that’s what everyone says and never comes back.” Sad! and I’m still thinking about it 6 days later

I don’t realize how much I depend on looking in the toilet to see the color of my pee (to see if I’m drinking enough) until the toilet water is blue (because of a cleaning tablet). I haven’t see my pee in a week and do I have a uti?? or am I doing a great job drinking??

I wrote my first fan mail! absolutely GUSHING like a loony to a children’s book author (Nancy Tillman) and she responded to my email. She’s the biggest celebrity in my life right now, this feels like a life highlight. she freakin’ responded to me

(& told me she’s working on another book, & said my note was LOVELY instead of creepy, & my family is beautiful, & to send a kiss to Malachi) I can’t wait to tell him about it when he’s older. Hopefully he’ll care?!

Remember that time I bought fancy nail polish and decided it’s my Pregnancy Polish that I’ll only wear when I get pregnant. But I’m still not pregnant and I wanna wear the nail polish but two people know it’s my Pregnancy Polish so I don’t want to fake them out and also I want to stay strong because it’ll be even better to wear when I’m actually pregnant.

It’s just nail polish, y’all. why am I like this

I realized I might be tickling Malachi tooooo much when he threw up. He just sat still and THREW UP all the way down his front. so we changed clothes and continued play because I’m a cool mom (!?)

(I’m not pregnant, but) the amount of time I spend looking at baby names is wild. After today I have a list of 25 girls and 22 boys. ARE WE EVEN GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER, I DUNNO. DO I NEED TO GET A HOBBY, MAYBE.

Today I remembered when I was in high school I got some hand soap for my (personal) bathroom (in my room that nobody ever used) that I really liked (it had beads) and wanted to make last a long time. So I taped a note on it that said "Only pump this soap on your hands once and no more. Thank you." Then I thought it was funny to sign it "- Staff"

so 

dumb

but it worked! nobody pumped my soap on their hands

(because nobody used that bathroom except me)

I told somebody that Malachi is my physical therapist and I think that’s just about the cutest (& so truest) answer to give. Mama is HITTIN her zone minutes every DAY, chil’

When I go into Malachi’s room in the morning and he’s sleeping soundly, I still have a tiiiny inkling of fear that he’s not breathing and is dead. So I wonder when that’ll go away

special shoutout to being a girl and making girl friends because I can tell them I love them within 4 hours of meeting them and it’s not taken wrong, weird at all, or moving too fast. Just friendly love! that I fall into sometimes instantly but I’m FREE TO

When I catch myself EATING food that FELL OUT of Malachi’s MOUTH I say wow. Look how I’ve changed

I sprinkled rice on my pasta because I thought it was cheese, Christopher saw it and right away knew it was rice. “Why did you put rice on your pasta, Kristin.”

so then I had to play it off. It’s a new recipe I’m trying. And it’s good, I said afterwards. ?!

No, that’s not hair gel in Malachi’s hair. it’s snot

Nothing smells more like a fart than rotisserie chicken. There’s no debating it

I just had a massage and after he left the room I straight up leaned over and BLEW MY NOSE on the sheet. you caaan’t take me anywhere

it's fun to see that my ex boyfriend has a birthday today that I didn't remember about - a day that used to be so significant to me just means NOTHING now. even my ex's MOM'S birthday was a big deal but who flippin' knows when that is? Memories scrubbed. sorry, Jake