Q of the week:

what do you do when you’re bleeding out of BOTH NOSTRILS. pictures upon request.

benefits of dating a beautiful man from out of town:

I paint my fingernails a different color when I see him but that’s only on the weekends so I don’t have to have my act together all the time. I’m on my 4th color and bought 2 more today.

(probably goes unnoticed but HOW FUN IS THIS, right?)

Trick:

a vase-amount of water spilled in my car cup holder and I diiiidn’t want to clean it up so I waited 2 weeks for the water to evaporate. thank you

I hid from my first door-to-door child salesmen today and it was EXHILERATING.

I threw up but it was not unlike the smoothie I had for lunch. not mad

I went to a dance party tonight but I literally just sat on the side and ate cold cauliflower instead of dancing

Achilles growls at a pit bull who takes walks in our neighborhood but she is

just

a small dog wearing a t shirt

if Achilles sees me lip syncing to Beyonce she might think it’s my real voice and then I’ll have one person(?) tricked

Right now 3 of the main people I text message with have their Read Reciepts turned on and I feel like I’m finally winning

Interacting with a man who respects and genuinely cares about me is the MOST FOREIGN PART of my life right now (but also it’s amazing).

The amount of times I’ve happy-cried in the past 8 days is embarrassing? STAGGERING. hey, beginning of the month.

changing your razor head is the cheapest and easiest way to change your life

in 2018 dating

my biggest turn-on is not receiving unrequested (they’re never requested) naked pictures. hey why is that a thing

a trick:

Talking with an attractive man via FaceTime last night and I was wearing my glasses, cami, size L flannel shirt- my jammies (setting the bar low). so when I meet him this weekend I can wear a t shirt and I’ll look dressed up?

I feel very tricky but I might just be lazy.

If I knew I could have swEET POTATO FRIES for DINNER I would have been living alone since I was 5

kristinbeale:

I thought I was being very sneaky for the past year with diagonally-slanted blinds in my windows that let me see outside, people not see inside but I left my light on at night and drove past my house and I could see everything.

Everything.

It looks like I don’t even have blinds on the windows. What do my neighbors know about me

(I didn’t close the blinds)

Achilles and I were having a Bruno Mars dance party in my living room (is in front of a large front window) and a car stopped and sat in front of my house, drove away when I stopped dancing. HAHA perfect

- - a “dance party” with a dog. who does that

I’m to the point where my friend - who works as drag queen at a club - calls it “tradition” when I show up to a show with a first date. These are my golden years

Audrey is 1,300 miles away going on a first date at the same time as I’m going on a first date and it feels like I’ve made it to the top

Everyone else (according to Instagram) is doing cute things on the snow day like sipping hot chocolate and reading by the fire. On this snow day I’m excited about wearing black+navy in peace

starting 2018 with hairy legs (A BANG)