Sometimes (twice today) I think about something that I contemplated including in my book, but can’t remember if I did or not. So I go to my final manuscript and search for it and every time so far it has been included. I’m about to have no more secrets and/or private inner dialogue aaaand it’s terrifying, actually

I am freaking
scared
to stand up for myself
and can only do it via text message [because as soon as I see a face I’ll start smiling and loving and forgiving] but I LOVE IPHONE because I can send a confrontation text message with fireworks in the background! Or balloons! to soften my blow and end in love. sneaky

watching American Horror Story means I will never, ever open my door to someone I don’t know again.
Another benefit: I won’t have to buy cookie dough, candles, cookies, popcorn, and almost a security system from neighborhood kids anymore

Lessons from last night

when I drink enough alcohol all I do is love everything/one and proclaim it. It’s beautiful unless there’s an attractive man/potential mate around me, then it becomes too much and I will probably scare off all the boys like this

Achilles does not like when I sing Beyonce to her

on my phone I have a video of an attractive man winking at me and I won’t say how many times I’ve watched it but it might be 400

a full water glass *** (bad decisions)

I love this man but not in the way you’re thinking

Sometimes if I’m in an emotional mood and I listen to the Lemonade album I can cry because I feel so sad for Beyonce. seriously what am I

I’ve sold 91 copies of my book this week. My heart and my head are both exploding

I went on a date and it went well and we had fun then he kissed me on the cheek at the end. so I am in Colonial Williamsburg

I ordered more business cards and I tried to make them look more professional I TRIED. so I found Achilles’ most serious-looking picture to put on the front. take me seriously? buy my book.

Going the wrong way on a one way street is my terrifying speciality

Moments before it fell and shattered on the ground. Achilles licked it up as fast as she could so that’s going to be fun. ! RIP red wine Santa

I’ve started to tell Achilles that I birthed her in order to feel closer

Sheila took a good picture of me and Achilles

Peanuts, I could eat all day. Walnuts, not so much

I met a guy yesterday who is fairly attractive but also whatever so I tried to scare him away by saying I want to MARRY HIM and have his babies. but hahahahahaha he just laughed. good thing or a bad thing?

Achilles is trying so hard to sleep but I keep kissing her shoulder blade I don’t know why

I’ve started a new thing where I don’t respond to people who flake on me via text message because 1. STOP FLAKING ON PLANS VIA TEXT and 2. it doesn’t allow me to be mega nice to people who are mean and making me a doormat. So far I’ve only had to do it once and it was real hard. But also kind of exciting