Achilles is sleeping on Mom’s lap and Dad said “look at Achilles. She’s like a dead baby.”
okay

maybe I’ll buy a bird? – Conure

I’m reading two books at one time IT IS CONFUSING I am out of literary control. but I recommend doing it

sober as a gopher?

you shouldn’t squeeze your dog’s tits to make them scream

enjoying wine

over and over (and over) in my head I keep telling myself “dogs sweat, men perspire, woman drip dew.” Gran taught me that and I’ll always remember it! it’s stuck in my head today, though. it’s rough

kristinbeale:

I found out my high school guidance counselor lives in my neighborhood and I’m treating it like the best thing to ever happen. at this point I could be considered a stalker

UPDATE we exchanged numbers and she is coming to my housewarming party! now I can yell to them from my car window/handcycle and its okay. her husband is a wonderful man. I am still kind of creepy about it though

We went to Sweet Frog and Dad keeps talking about the “Reeses Feces” he put on his ice cream

3rd birthday! little babe

Douglas said he would rather date a coral reef than me

I made 2 friends at Petsmart today and I told one of them very personal information. In hindsight, maybe not smart. Now I have to pray for my safety

Siding and shutters!! 1 month and 3 days, people

I wonder if Obama gets senioritis

I’ve had a picture saved on my phone for a week, waiting for someone to say “I love you” to me via text message. It’s going to be funny BUT WHY HASN’T ANYONE SAID THEY LOVE ME VIA TEXT YET they don’t realize I have a joke planned

I’m addicted to neighborhood-no-seatbelt-wearing

I remember waking up this morning at 4:30am and thinking how “sup” stands for “stupid ugly pancake” and I couldn’t wait to tell Douglas. But now that I’m awake again I truely do not want to

a beautiful mermaid

I’ve gone to the bathroom at work 3 times today, my dress has fallen in the toilet 3 times today. It is always clean water, though, so it has been fun

I sneezed on the beat