Mom, Dad, Grandaddy and I were moved to the “comfort suite” while a nurse gave Gran a medicine and it had a TV in it and dad sat on the couch and loudly said “Let’s turn the hardcore porn back on.”
he meant the show Hardcore PAWN but the nurse ran away before he corrected his mistake oops
I wore a bandage on my butt last week and it left a sticky spot on the toilet seat at work and I’m scared and no one knows it was me. I scratch at it every day but there’s still some there HAHAHA oh
I’m so sad recently so I’m online shopping and in the past week.5 I’ve bought 10 iPhone chargers, overpriced wallet, overpriced notebook, and a turquoise necklace. I’m going to run out of money if Gran doesn’t get out of the hospital soon so either somebody stop me or say a prayer to get her out preferably number 2
the paper that comes out of the printer is so warm and the lobby at Boleman is SO COLD so after I print a lot of things I sometimes go to the corner office and mash the papers on my face. Today Leelee caught me
I had a note taped to my ink pen that said “if found please call 426.9201” and someone STILL stole it. what the woo
I feel self-conscious when I pee at work because I make no noise literally NO NOISE. Do people think I poop at 11:50 and 3:40 every day?
Also I figured out the angle to put my head in underneath the paper towel sensor while my other hand is under the soap sensor so I can save seconds washing my hands, grab towel, return to work. Maximum efficiency wow I am a great employee
I had free time at work today so I online-shopped 55 of my dollars away. HEY IMPULSE
but I’m excited about my new wallet and notebook so suck it
Mom is coaching me on eating salad politely because I’m having one on Saturday with Douglas
I fell asleep on the toilet today (??) and I’m concerned that I messed up my ischial tuberosity bone (“butt bone”) because it’s set weirdly now. WOULDN’T THAT BE A GREAT STORY THOUGH
