Leelee just called me Clinton by accident

I used my best math joke (PEMDAS) on Arthur and he didn’t even understand it what a waste

apparently you can’t put aluminum foil in the microwave oops

also i lost my phone/have a boyfriend. it was a cool weekend

I have a penny-sized bruise on my left inner/upper thigh that I’ve been watching for the past 7 days. I don’t know how it got there but it’s REALLY PURPLE and I’m watching it get darker. why is this happening to me 

kristinbeale:

sometimes I feel overwhelmingly happy and I just wish something would explode on my body so I can feel release but everyone around me would be splashed with the happiness that shoots out and they’ll feel the same happiness as me. is that gross? I want it to happen

I told Mom and she said I’m gross and shouldn’t say that to anyone except her. isn’t she cute

kristinbeale:

everyone at work got a box with a superhero and a list of special powers for a game we’re playing at the retreat and people’s names are things like Bolt, Turbo, Dynasty. my name is Jean Grey-Summers.

oh she’s an X-Men character. I was hoping to find her in Abacus

sometimes I feel overwhelmingly happy and I just wish something would explode on my body so I can feel release but everyone around me would be splashed with the happiness that shoots out and they’ll feel the same happiness as me. is that gross? I want it to happen

everyone at work got a box with a superhero and a list of special powers for a game we’re playing at the retreat and people’s names are things like Bolt, Turbo, Dynasty. my name is Jean Grey-Summers.

I tried to get away. but Frank Ocean

get some

I think my expectations are too high and Achilles and I will die alone. sometimes I fear that help

Chloe’s lips in the background

Achilles lives a guilt free life we should be like her

I’m more excited about that thumb nail than the business card

attention everyone. it’s not fun to be around people who are funny-mean

I just explained tinder to my boss and I don’t feel like it went over well

STARTING TODAY

kristinbeale:

after breakfast (turkey sausage biscuit for breakfast oops) I’m gluten free. I need the support of my 3 tumblr followers

Okay I accidentally ate gluten for breakfast, lunch, and in the car on the way home. This is so tricky

one of my vitamins tastes like cake frosting I’m not kidding

Doug learned to play Beyoncé on his guitar because I told him she’s my favorite/almost only person I listen to. WOW GOOD MOVE