guess what I’ve been doing since 2013?

nOt SaYiNg ThE wOrD hAtE

baby tries top eyeliner. so many eye pokes. but I did it and I’m proud myself

I got free lunch today for the office. I AM THE self-titled BOLEMAN HERO. somebody recognize me

Leelee says she’s going to create a doll of me “that falls out of her wheelchair and brushes her teeth in the morning so everyone can have me.” She’s going to name it the Big Booty Ho Doll.

because that’s what I am – a big booty ho

dear all girls, 

stop leaving pee-drops on the toilet seat

Salman and I just ate almost $80 worth of sushi. i am so happy 

if Achilles was food she would be not enough to save

Cody died of corn overdose

I unknowingly pushed a button on my phone while I was getting out of my car that made End of Time by Beyoncé start playing and I thought I was hearing it only in my head like a theme song. Dreams almost came true

ACHILLES INTERNATIONAL IS GOING TO LET ME DO MARINE CORPS MARATHON IN OCTOBER. I am soo excited I wish there was a balloon emoji for the computer

Fruit Splash Mania has made me late for TOO MANY THINGS. I need intervention

I made banana bread today and ate so much that now it hurts when it goes down. seriously it burns

I got 3 ½ compliments on my dress today and MY SECRET I bought it for $12 at Walmart. that was a win

Ladies Night Out HaAaY

her face looks like a hyena from The Lion King AMIRIGHT

my mascara smeared under my eye and it’s waterproof so it won’t/I don’t know how to make it come off and it has been there for 24 hours. BUT IT LOOKS LIKE A TEAR SO THAT’S KIND OF COOL. I look hard

my boss is a personal trainer and he’s the only other person the eats the vegetables and boring healthy food I bring to potlucks at work so I feel nervous eating unhealthy food around him because he’ll think I’m a faker. But somebody made blueberry pie and brought it to work today. FRESH BLUEBERRIES, DUDES. I tried to be sneaky but he saw me. :(

kristinbeale:

there’s a spot on my palm where something bled underneath my skin so now it looks like a freckle and I hope it never goes away

it happened again except this time on the bridge of my nose (BETWEEN MY EYES). I hope it never goes away

TGISun

mini carrots look and taste like crunchy Cheetos