get some

I think my expectations are too high and Achilles and I will die alone. sometimes I fear that help

Chloe’s lips in the background

Achilles lives a guilt free life we should be like her

I’m more excited about that thumb nail than the business card

attention everyone. it’s not fun to be around people who are funny-mean

I just explained tinder to my boss and I don’t feel like it went over well

STARTING TODAY

kristinbeale:

after breakfast (turkey sausage biscuit for breakfast oops) I’m gluten free. I need the support of my 3 tumblr followers

Okay I accidentally ate gluten for breakfast, lunch, and in the car on the way home. This is so tricky

one of my vitamins tastes like cake frosting I’m not kidding

Doug learned to play Beyoncé on his guitar because I told him she’s my favorite/almost only person I listen to. WOW GOOD MOVE

guess what I’ve been doing since 2013?

nOt SaYiNg ThE wOrD hAtE

baby tries top eyeliner. so many eye pokes. but I did it and I’m proud myself

I got free lunch today for the office. I AM THE self-titled BOLEMAN HERO. somebody recognize me

Leelee says she’s going to create a doll of me “that falls out of her wheelchair and brushes her teeth in the morning so everyone can have me.” She’s going to name it the Big Booty Ho Doll.

because that’s what I am – a big booty ho

dear all girls, 

stop leaving pee-drops on the toilet seat

Salman and I just ate almost $80 worth of sushi. i am so happy 

if Achilles was food she would be not enough to save

Cody died of corn overdose

I unknowingly pushed a button on my phone while I was getting out of my car that made End of Time by Beyoncé start playing and I thought I was hearing it only in my head like a theme song. Dreams almost came true

ACHILLES INTERNATIONAL IS GOING TO LET ME DO MARINE CORPS MARATHON IN OCTOBER. I am soo excited I wish there was a balloon emoji for the computer