I made banana bread today and ate so much that now it hurts when it goes down. seriously it burns
I got 3 ½ compliments on my dress today and MY SECRET I bought it for $12 at Walmart. that was a win
my mascara smeared under my eye and it’s waterproof so it won’t/I don’t know how to make it come off and it has been there for 24 hours. BUT IT LOOKS LIKE A TEAR SO THAT’S KIND OF COOL. I look hard
my boss is a personal trainer and he’s the only other person the eats the vegetables and boring healthy food I bring to potlucks at work so I feel nervous eating unhealthy food around him because he’ll think I’m a faker. But somebody made blueberry pie and brought it to work today. FRESH BLUEBERRIES, DUDES. I tried to be sneaky but he saw me. :(
there’s a spot on my palm where something bled underneath my skin so now it looks like a freckle and I hope it never goes away
it happened again except this time on the bridge of my nose (BETWEEN MY EYES). I hope it never goes away
“what was your favorite grade in school?”
“how do you like your steak cooked?”
“have you ever wanted to live on a farm?”
those are my conversation starters from dinner. it was a weird date, okay.
but I did learn how to avoid getting peed on when changing a boy baby’s diaper. there was some value thank you James
A client brought me in a bag of food/socks/Chapstick last week because I was “so nice to her” and helped her when she came in. OREOS are the best/nutritionally worst and she brought me 12 of the golden kind. I’ve hid them in the back of my drawer and been pinching a piece off every day and I thought I ate the last one today so I was throwing away the empty box and THREE MORE came out. God is real
Today we had a client whose first name was Queen and middle initial was B and when I looked at the schedule I got SO EXCITED because I thought for only a second that Beyoncé was using Boleman to file for bankruptcy and I was finally going to meet her. But turns out her last name was Robinson and Beyoncé isn’t bankrupt. i was tricked
I listened to Rihanna on the way to work this morning and I feel like my head is going to explode
my shoe fell in the toilet I don’t know how that happened. I work at a law office what do I do
while the rest of the office celebrates a birthday with cupcakes ad pizza, Kristin sits in the corner and celebrates with a whole grain, organic peanut butter bar. what a sad existence
(jkit’sdeliciousIamsatisfied)