I remember when I said “samesies” to Allen and that was the last straw
(HAHAHAHHA)

a summer cut for Joseph

Achilles blows her snot right where I lay my head at night she’s so cute

going through the whole work day then seeing when I get in my car to go home that I have a piece of kale from lunch stuck in my front tooth.
I THOUGHT I HAD MADE FRIENDS HERE

I thought I was being sneaky with my flesh-colored band aid until 4 people at work asked me what happened to my knee

little cat you’re just like me
you go outside to squat and pee

I’m going to stop (again) doing things that I don’t want to do all the time just to make other people happy. Godwin taught me that thank you Godwin

today I wore a skirt and when I went in the bathroom at work I pulled it up to hang from my forehead so I looked like a lamp. I thought it would look funny so I tried to take a picture to send to Jake, but I opened the stall door and my employee was washing her hands. GOOD THING I didn’t have my lampshade on yet.
do I fit in at a law firm?

I finally got to say “have a nice life” to someone in context. Like, I really don’t mind if I don’t talk to him anymore for the rest of our lives.
FINALLY I GOT TO SAY IT

POTLUCK at work today

I went into the break room and see casseroles, 2 cakes, cookies, Oreo truffles (!), etc junk food.
and I contribute a tray of assorted vegetables and raw kale.
WOMP WOMP who invited Kristin

I didn’t have very much time to get ready this morning and I’ve been worried about being a “butter face” all day.
Dad taught me this:
everything looks good
but her face

peas on peas

I accidentally pushed “Erase All Content and Settings” on my iPhone and lost everything except my contacts and calendar. OH OOPS.

but it’s not that bad because I get to start over new like I have a new phone. I recommend it to everybody/nobody

I missed my own prom
could this night get any worse

FALCONRY

so meow

SOMEONE AT WORK SAID IT IS LAME THAT I WON’T BE THERE TOMORROW AND IT MADE ME SO HAPPY

pumping gas in Glen Allen

a nice old man said he “would be honored” to pump my gas for me. we talked while we waited for my tank to fill but I didn’t get a hug this time. IT’S AMAZING now nice strangers are. also I love getting gas now

“Kristin now that you have a full time job you have to stop telling dirty jokes.”
“Kristin now that you have a full time job you have to start shaving your legs.”
“Kristin now that you have a full time job you have to brush your hair.”

three people from the YMCA told me these. MY JOKES AREN’T THAT DIRTY AND MY HAIR DOESN’T LOOK THAT MESSY. gosh

the warm weather is back, the handcycle-wrist-brace-tan-line is back