I found a crumb of raw kale on my body as I was transferring OUT of the shower. I think this means I am obsessed

I told someone I was “going to the park with Joe” HAHA and he thought I was hanging out with a real human man.

Achilles Jones —> Jones —> Joseph —> Joe Jonas —> Joe. I’m sneaky

in the song Wonderwall (by Oasis. everyone knew that) I changed the word “wonderwall” to “booty call” and sang it to Achilles and now it’s stuck in my head. help

when I gave Achilles her flea and tic medicine she turned into a Melancholy Jones and has been laying on a sweatshirt in my closet ever since

Undercover Jones

unzipping my pants already and it’s only lunch time.
OH OOPS I ATE TOO MUCH

I just met a new person and told him my name is Lori. I don’t know why I did that

someone told me that I “scare” him because I’m “so bold in my statements.”
I don’t think I’m supposed to scare the boys in the yard. am I doing this right

I just paid a $99.98 ticket for not stopping fully at a stop sign. Everyone learn my lesson

every time I’m not in a good mood Jake knows how to make me so happy.

he is the best. emojis are the best.

I rush home from work at 5:00 every day only so I can get home and take off my pants. by the time I’m in my driveway I’ve already pulled my pants down to my knees, taken off my bra, stored it in my backpack, look like a teenage boy. is that tmi. I miss wearing sweatpants and a t shirt every day to work (the YMCA). full time jobs, man

I’ve been eating lunch in this small kitchen at work for 40 minutes and there’s another lady in here AND WE HAVEN’T SPOKEN ONE WORD. her head is so close to the table

Achilles fell asleep with her coon in her mouth

I spend from 8am to 12pm at work looking forward to lunch. I am finally a man

I’m so glad I have a family that I can text message unflattering pictures to

kristinbeale:

There’s another Kristin that works in this office so they nicknamed me “K2.”
I
don’t
know about that.

I was just formally introduced but I greeted her as “my other half.” uncomfortable fake laugh

There’s another Kristin that works in this office so they nicknamed me “K2.”
I
don’t
know about that.

THIS IS INTERESTING

“Just as damaging as a madman shooting a deadly weapon is someone who lies to a friend and then says, “I was only joking.”
(Proverbs 26:18-19)