every time I’m not in a good mood Jake knows how to make me so happy.

he is the best. emojis are the best.

I rush home from work at 5:00 every day only so I can get home and take off my pants. by the time I’m in my driveway I’ve already pulled my pants down to my knees, taken off my bra, stored it in my backpack, look like a teenage boy. is that tmi. I miss wearing sweatpants and a t shirt every day to work (the YMCA). full time jobs, man

I’ve been eating lunch in this small kitchen at work for 40 minutes and there’s another lady in here AND WE HAVEN’T SPOKEN ONE WORD. her head is so close to the table

Achilles fell asleep with her coon in her mouth

I spend from 8am to 12pm at work looking forward to lunch. I am finally a man

I’m so glad I have a family that I can text message unflattering pictures to

kristinbeale:

There’s another Kristin that works in this office so they nicknamed me “K2.”
I
don’t
know about that.

I was just formally introduced but I greeted her as “my other half.” uncomfortable fake laugh

There’s another Kristin that works in this office so they nicknamed me “K2.”
I
don’t
know about that.

THIS IS INTERESTING

“Just as damaging as a madman shooting a deadly weapon is someone who lies to a friend and then says, “I was only joking.”
(Proverbs 26:18-19)

getting gas in Richmond

I just met, talked to, told old personal life stories to a man named Mufa at the station for 15 minutes while I was getting gas. INTIMATE DETAILS but I told them for some reason.
He’s homeless for 8 years; 3 children; wife left him for another man in Charlottesville; on probation for 7 years; using the dollar I gave him to buy dinner at 7 Eleven. and he even says he’ll be my boyfriend.

then he gave me a hug and trotted away. omg

it’s quick, it’s easy and it’s free: pouring river water in your socks

Achilles scratched at the door until she fell asleep. I’ve been ignoring her for so long

Walgreens called me and told me I have a prescription so I picked it up and it is a laxative. I am so confused.

Laxatives are
literally
my worst nightmare.

I thought Beyonce’s self-titled album was meh. but Partition

there’s a spot on my palm where something bled underneath my skin so now it looks like a freckle and I hope it never goes away

on one side of my mouth I have a cocoa roasted almond and on the other side I have a pesto pita puff. I don’t know what’s wrong with me I’m like a hamster tonight

I sang along every word to the theme song of Gilmore Girls to Achilles today in my loudest voice (home alone) and I don’t know how. I didn’t think I’ve seen the show more than twice in my life

this song is stuck in my head. over and over and over i sing it