Last name Ana, First name Ban

I thought I was hilarious for saying this then I told Arthur and he didn’t laugh and I realized it wasn’t very funny. pardon me

My new toothpaste tastes like sausage pizza I’m not kidding

happy half birthday, Achilles Jones
(new treats, new toys, party) 

I GOT THE JOB I GOT THE JOB

when he offered it to me and asked me if I want to work for the company (Boleman Law Firm) I said “yes” maaaybe 3 times. also shoutout to Shelley for being the best

Achilles de-stuffed her favorite toy and now she runs around with the skin in her mouth because it’s still her favorite. I admire the commitment

I will never forget when Ruth did the stanky leg

I usually say don’t hold other people’s grudges but Kris is holding mine and I love it

recently it has really hit me and really made me so upset to think that I won’t be able to walk/stand up for my wedding. that means that I won’t be able to properly dance with my dad at my reception and that breaks. my. heart. 

but then today! this happened.

http://www.nbc12.com/story/25188908/four-paraplegic-men-voluntarily-move-their-legs-an-unprecedented-breakthrough-for-paralysis-community

and I am overwhelmed. this is what I’ve been working so hard for 8 years to be ready for. it’s happening, it’s happening! 100% re-motivated. I will be able to dance at my wedding I know I will

if I kiss Achilles’ lips fast enough I can get away before she tries to lick me back and ruins the moment

Also when I came out of the interview room the three people that interviewed me were standing together and I greeted them as “Team Kristin.” I’m not sure if that was too bold

THREE BIG SNORTS during that interview oops. I got comfortable

job interview in a Mickey Mouse scarf I am sneaky.

I AM STILL A CHILD BUT THEY WILL NEVER KNOW.

crabs don’t have necks it must be hard to be a crab

I was just trying to correct the red-eye 

long, beautiful brown hairs all over my legs. maybe I should have shaved before this wedding

when I last saw Mary she lied and said it was her birthday

I had an opportunity
but then I felt guilty

this song came on the radio and Mom started waving her hands in the air and yelling “MILDEW” “DUST” “DIRT”

it took me a second to figure out what she was doing but when I did

I woke up at 6am, straightened my hair, went back to bed. I thought it was a dream but when I woke up this morning my hair was straight. WHAT A GAL

I think I just accidentally went on a date :-/