Michael just called me “McTiny”

the key is if I feel comfortable enough around you to text more than one consecutive exclamation mark

I was digging a trench in the peanut butter and Dad messed it up. So much effort wasted

sometimes Achilles and I touch foreheads while I rub her stomach

kristinbeale:

pc phone home

I text messaged this to Dad right after I made this post BECAUSE IT WAS GOOD MATERIAL AND I NEED TO HEAR LAUGHS. and he called me on the phone as soon as he got it hahahahaha

pc phone home

and I don’t like McDonald’s but for some reason a picture with Ronald McDonald was my #1 priority. so happy about this

today I beat my best marathon time by 27 minutes. I am a proud man

I just posted 3 comments on 3 different people’s Facebook wall/pictures IN ALL CAPS. I’m in a mood

Dad has a bloody nose in the bathroom so when I came in there were a lot of bloody tissues in the toilet. He saw me looking at them
and
“I’m sorry. I started my period.”

our hotel room number is 420 so I made a marijuana joke/I don’t know what I’m talking about but it was still good material. but Dad didn’t understand and I had to explain it to him. downward spiral of a failed joke

for the first time in my life I have ALMOST used ALL of my stick of deodorant. thank you, Axe

we are leprechauns

Dad keeps stepping on frogs

I wish Arthur treated me like Ice King treats his Princess Monster Wife

I have realized that I can’t waste happiness that other people and other things give me because I’m hung up on another problem. I just have to LET the bad one GO so I can enjoy things fully again. Don’t expect a lot from other people and I won’t be disappointed. I feel HAPPY. ((thank you Jake)))
Poppin chips, gotta pop those chips.

“There are some nouns in my mouth. They’re called Cheetos.”

— Chris Beale

I cannot stop laughing

ATTENTION. the rainbow cookies are gone and I have not eaten Cheetos in two days. Rest easy, everyone. Rest easy