Achilles just throat-punched me

does anyone remember when you used to get “POOL TOE”???!!!!

hahahahahhahahahahhahahahhahahahahhahahhahhahahhahaha

i looked it up to see what the definition is and it says 

“the shredded state of the skin on your big toe following a day of propelling yourself in the water of a concrete pool.”

oh my gosh

Keke Jo is a Sleepy Jo

Jessica and I made Dad BOURBON ICE CREAM for Father’s Day

for today this seemed relevant 

I was in the middle of a CONVERSATION with Jessica when she opens the window next to my bed, jumps out, walks away. I was mid sentence I can’t believe this

I had the best weekend, have the best boyfriend

one day, THREE DIFFERENT OUTFITS. who am i

WE’RE GOING TO A WEDDING TODAY

Dear God, 

It’s me. Jonah Hill

JESSICAISHOMEI'MSOHAPPY

Jake’s photography makes Achilles look like a happy teenage girl

JULIA DO YOU REMEMBER THIS

hahahahhahahahahahaha

every time Mom says Achilles’ name she scared-pees on the floor

Achilles and I just sat in the kitchen eating peanut butter and grapes for 37 minutes

Leslie your mom makes me so happy

relationships are a lot of work, mayne

Dad walked in at the FINAL ROSE CEREMONY of The Bachelorette and he commented on literally everything. Seriously so many “your mom” jokes

so funny