i’m across the room in my bed and looked in the mirror to Achilles just staring at me

and after i saw her she didn’t look away, just stared. she held it until i made a farting noise. and then she

and back to looking via mirror. makes me uncomfortable

Achilles Jones learned a lesson in pride today

WHO WILL MAKE A SOFA FORT WITH ME

now she’s singing the National Anthem

We’re driving to the river and Mom is singing a song she made up about “Kristin Jones.” I’m thrilled

misery

we made BACON PANCAKES this morning. oh my gosh

BATHTIME
also her eyes

My mom never pushes “end call” at the end of conversations so I kept the phone on to see how long before she realized and I listened to her live her life for
53 minutes
before I just hung up. seriously Rhonda

I just told my grandmother that I have a boyfriend and her first question:
“What is he? Black, White, Asian?”
i didn’t answer because dumb
then she asks
“Is he gay?”
OH MY GOSH GRAN

I remember when I was in elementary school someone told me that whenever I flushed the toilet I was killing an otter so I would only flush when I would start to smell it and Mom told me I had to. I loved otters

I showed this to mom and she just looked at me with squinted eyes and fake laughed

What’s my name? Puddin Tang
Ask me again and I’ll tell you the same

getting down to some Relient K this morning. so good

i hope everyone else is laughing too

jessica made these and i can’t stop laughing

we had to kick [my 13 year old] dad out of the women’s section of Martin’s. he couldn’t stop making jokes and laughing at things

I got 4 hours of sleep last night and I ain’t even mad.
in fact
I’m
full
of
energy.

how does she do it

i can’t stop looking at real estate i just can’t stop. i don’t even really want to move out of my house but wouldn’t it be so much fun to have my own place??!! house party every weekend, ya’ll