when I don’t eat breakfast with Christopher —

I actually physically lick the leftover avocado off of my plate, like a dog. I act like a dog

I’m using a Marriott washcloth that we borrowed/stole/kinda indirectly paid for and it’s so soft I want 10 more. But I have to steal????

Life update:

I bought 2 40-packs (so, 80) of Lance peanut butter crackers and I’ve used them as meal replacement 3 days in a row

A normal night dinner: one taco & a glass of water

Last night, when Christopher was gone for dinner and I was eating alone: one taco, two slices of pizza, a cupcake, nothing to drink

I quoted a Beyoncé song to Papa yesterday and he didn’t understand my reference

(92 years old) (happy birthday)

Achilles woke Christopher and I up from REM sleep at 3am this morning because her fart smelled so badly aaaand I’m just glad he was here with me this time

I started calling Christopher, my husband, “Christopher Johnson.” He responds to it now so I’m changin livvvvves

kristinbeale:

My wound doctor has an office in the hospital so I’ve been coming every week for 7 months. I park in the “Reserved Parking Towing Enforced” parking spot, I enter through the staff entrance, and I bypass the temperature-taking (for covid). I’m entitled!!!!!!!!

jk, but maybe not

Update: they chased me down the morning to take my temperature. I got too comfy and forgot to wear a mask, so I might have blow my staff entrance privileges.

But, I’m going for drinks with the parking attendant, and I gave the lady who sits at the help desk relationship advice last week. I still feel entitled!!!!!!!

Christopher complimented my butt when I bent over at the tea shop today and said “you bent over you didn’t even fart.” hahahahaha

Christopher just put sunscreen on my ears before I went out on my bike and I can’t believe there is someone who cares about me so much

wedding highlights

Christopher showed me this idea on our third date and said “if we ever get married, I want to do this”

I thought I’ve never had edibles before but mom says she served me a weed chocolate bar 5 years ago that she brought home from Argentina and I didn’t like it HAHA I had no idea. but I also don’t like chocolate so let’s try it in something like a sugar cookie

I’ve lived with Christopher for almost 2 years and I’ve always put my stray hairs in the sink. This week he FINALLY SAID SOMETHING about how inconvenient it is, I’m proud of him. We’re married now but still reaching new levels

I made a protein smoothie that tastes like CRAB SOUP

Having a cast on my leg is kinda fun because people think THAT’S why I’m in a wheelchair. They think I’m normal!!!!

My wound doctor has an office in the hospital so I’ve been coming every week for 7 months. I park in the “Reserved Parking Towing Enforced” parking spot, I enter through the staff entrance, and I bypass the temperature-taking (for covid). I’m entitled!!!!!!!!

jk, but maybe not

I thought Christopher was bringing the romance underneath the bed sheets but then I realized that he farted and was hot-boxing me. Welcome to marriage, girl

We’ve slept like 10 hours since Thursday, but we just got to Boston for honeymoon and rented a Cadillac. Marriage is pretty sweet so far

I started writing my vows to Christopher in March, he proposed in May, and I got to read them to him YESTERDAY.

Note: my hideous camo blanket in the background, and my fancy plexiglass frame (he has one too don’t worry)