Chris brought me a napkin in church “for when you cry” (happy tears. prob twice daily&every Sunday. ugh) so, I’m dating an angel

Update: my boyfriend is beautiful, I am unphotogenic.

I thought of the saying “ovaries before brovaries” one week ago and I’m still looking for a context to use it in. please set me up

Every Richmond festival I go to (I go to a lot) is like BUMBLE HEADQUARTERS: I see all the men I’ve matched with, went on a date with, and/or ghosted me. Today is the Taco Festival and it’s HOT and I’m looking HOT (temperature) but it’s fine because boyfriend, right?

when I put too much enthusiasm in talking to Achilles she gets up and WALKS AWAY. she’s a brat but I’m obsessed

I accidentally called Chris “Jeremiah” today but I don’t think he heard me. hahahaha WHO IS JEREMIAH

Thank you, whomever is sending me anonymous and very sweet messages. love you love you.

Also, let’s all say “whom” when referring to the object of a verb or preposition, please. tighten up

every day I wake up and can’t believe I have a real boyfriend and a “good morning” text message and that I get to spend the day with Achilles and it’s so warm outside. I’m just very happy is this post too mushy

Second week of dating a guy and he took off work to book a non-refundable hotel room with me in Asheville, NC for the end of July. what am I dOoOoing.

This is one of them that I invited over to play Sorry, so that was a good plan after all (?!)

kristinbeale:

invited 2 boys I’ve recently been on dates with to my house at the same time. we’ll sEeEe what happens now

Update: they’re both at my house playing Sorry right now and it’s ok it’s going fine. what is wrong with me

“I cut my hair this morning. I look like Achilles.”

so when it’s dark outside and my cul de sac is asleep, I go outside without clothes on.

what

is

wrong with me? (it was beautiful)

Every 6 months I get Botox on my bladder so every 6 months I get to make the “you wont recognize me after tomorrow” Botox jokes but now all my close friend know my JOKE so it doesn’t WORK anymore. I need new ones (friends, not jokes)

I don’t buy [& hardly eat] sugar things so when I’m in the mood for dessert after a meal I’ve been eating vitafusion women’s gummy vitamins. 😞 Kristin, LIVE A LITTLE. please

(drawing smiley faces on the envelope of official financial documents) I am 9 years old.

when I’m alone I speak almost exclusively in a British accent and now I think I’m finally ready to go public

I’m dating a guy who remembered & took off work for Achilles’ HALF birthday so he is someone to keep(?).

update: the night went well but I friend-zoned him

who can I share my (20+) videos of Achilles humping things that won’t get offended?? I have some FOOTAGE.

help

I made a tampon joke to a guy on a dating app yesterday (he didn’t laugh) and I just told another one that I’ve been married twice. so

My wheelchair tire pops every 1-2 years but it has popped twiiiiice [while in florida] this past month. The most inconvenient, ok