underneath the face cradle of the massage table is a puddle of snot that dripped from my nose. am I cute
Having a boyfriend/fiancé/husband is GREATANDEVERYTHING, but better is getting the bedroom (on vacation) with two double beds and jumping back and forth (one for when I take a shower before bed, one for shower during the day).
Achilles moves to the other bed in the middle of the night, though, and that makes me angry
Today to [to the airport though] I’m wearing a shirt from my 5th grade graduation field day and it fits great. What does this mean?
(I have the body of a 5th grader)
I told a guy on a dating app that I wrote a comic book and he said “I will come over and read your book while you make me dinner.”
HAHAhaha no. what (buy the book) (I don’t cook)
** finding balance between being v friendly with my neighbors and greeting them when they walk past
or
being able to sit on my front porch with no pants on and not get caught. Karen (human) and Oliver (dog) almost just caught me but I am crafty
I’ve never woken up because laughing at dream before but this morning I did and it was about something I did so I don’t know if that makes me very funny or very annoying
(dream was i was in a v long line at the DMV so I covered myself in Vaseline and slithered out of door like a snake)
a boy just offered to cook a yam (??) for me
“I am really good at it”
“I really love kitchen lol”
“yam before thanksgiving lol”
So there’s an update on my dating life.
(I will nOT be eating yam with this boy)
Literally every time I go to James River Winery I’m with a different boy. I wonder what they think I’m doing? (it’s my first date go-to). Tonight is round 4
I decided at 1am tonight that I’m mad at all of my ex boyfriends and I don’t want to be friends with them anymore. why did this take so long, spanning over a decade. is that how long it takes me to be angry at people IS THIS A PROBLEM or am I just in a bad mood
I showered/scrubbed at my face last night to get this eye makeup off but it didn’t all go away so today & maybe tomorrow is smoky eye days #2&3. I’m not mad about it. SOPHISTICATED they said I looked but at this point it is a raccoon.
I’m in DC today for a photo shoot for “a campaign” for the DEA but that’s all I know so I might be the new poster child for the heroin epidemic? A picture of success&sobriety? I didn’t ask them, they didn’t tell me. Those are two dramatic options BUT WOULDNT the first one be funny
I don’t know why I do it but I keep giving my Bumble dates advice on their dating profiles. like I tell them how to fix it. I should say YOU’VE FOUND ME. DELETE IT but the boys I go on dates with are all so wackkkkkkkkkkkkk
A man sitting on the median at my stoplight asked me for money (I also saw him playing on an iPhone behind his “help me” sign last week so whatever) and I don’t have any - in general or in my cup holders - so I offered him my used chapstick ?????? he said no