I plan to change my sheets tomorrow for the third time in 4 days and I have lost control a little bit. It’s just

very

fun to me. Adult fun

Go To Sleep by Ludacris is stuck in my head almost every night when I’m lying in bed. it is a curse

Q of the week:

what do you do when you’re bleeding out of BOTH NOSTRILS. pictures upon request.

benefits of dating a beautiful man from out of town:

I paint my fingernails a different color when I see him but that’s only on the weekends so I don’t have to have my act together all the time. I’m on my 4th color and bought 2 more today.

(probably goes unnoticed but HOW FUN IS THIS, right?)

Trick:

a vase-amount of water spilled in my car cup holder and I diiiidn’t want to clean it up so I waited 2 weeks for the water to evaporate. thank you

I hid from my first door-to-door child salesmen today and it was EXHILERATING.

I threw up but it was not unlike the smoothie I had for lunch. not mad

I went to a dance party tonight but I literally just sat on the side and ate cold cauliflower instead of dancing

Achilles growls at a pit bull who takes walks in our neighborhood but she is

just

a small dog wearing a t shirt

if Achilles sees me lip syncing to Beyonce she might think it’s my real voice and then I’ll have one person(?) tricked

Right now 3 of the main people I text message with have their Read Reciepts turned on and I feel like I’m finally winning

Interacting with a man who respects and genuinely cares about me is the MOST FOREIGN PART of my life right now (but also it’s amazing).

The amount of times I’ve happy-cried in the past 8 days is embarrassing? STAGGERING. hey, beginning of the month.

changing your razor head is the cheapest and easiest way to change your life

in 2018 dating

my biggest turn-on is not receiving unrequested (they’re never requested) naked pictures. hey why is that a thing

a trick:

Talking with an attractive man via FaceTime last night and I was wearing my glasses, cami, size L flannel shirt- my jammies (setting the bar low). so when I meet him this weekend I can wear a t shirt and I’ll look dressed up?

I feel very tricky but I might just be lazy.

If I knew I could have swEET POTATO FRIES for DINNER I would have been living alone since I was 5

kristinbeale:

I thought I was being very sneaky for the past year with diagonally-slanted blinds in my windows that let me see outside, people not see inside but I left my light on at night and drove past my house and I could see everything.

Everything.

It looks like I don’t even have blinds on the windows. What do my neighbors know about me

(I didn’t close the blinds)

Achilles and I were having a Bruno Mars dance party in my living room (is in front of a large front window) and a car stopped and sat in front of my house, drove away when I stopped dancing. HAHA perfect

- - a “dance party” with a dog. who does that

I’m to the point where my friend - who works as drag queen at a club - calls it “tradition” when I show up to a show with a first date. These are my golden years

Audrey is 1,300 miles away going on a first date at the same time as I’m going on a first date and it feels like I’ve made it to the top