the goal of dates these days:

meet a cute boy, put myself in the friend zone.
I
love
the Friend Zone.
I have a gaggle (not geese) of attractive male friends with mutual disinterest. it’s the best

I do this thing to Achilles called “Forget To Fill The Food and Water Bowl” but she still loves me so much it’s awesome

my parents keep moving into the same neighborhood as my former high school teachers and staff members. Their new house is NEXT DOOR to my FAVORITE TEACHER from high school/maybe ever. I’m excited about this

me and Achilles shared a glass of water at lunch. is that gross? am I getting too close.

on a first date

I told Achilles “I love you” and he thought I was talking to him hahahahahaha. He said “woah. that was fast”

I learn lessons

my advantage:

when I’m laying in bed and my hands are so cold (every night. why) I can bunch them up against my stomach until they’re warm. I can’t feel hot/cold down there so it’s not uncomfortable at all. suckerssssss. think about it

I don’t buy food I like for my house because I’ll eat it all and probably overindulge, but then I realize that I don’t like any of the food in my house. what do I do

sometimes I love my sister so much I feel like my HEART is going to EXPLODE

Asher saw me in my snowman sweatshirt (from the “only-wear-when-alone” wardrobe) and still kissed me on my face. This means keeper

all girls that wear snapbacks have lupus

I’m going rappelling off the side of a building in May as a “CELEBRITY REPELLER” because of my book. (I’m so excited) (VERY EXCITED)

The taste of blood from a bloody nose made me want lentil soup for dinner. Gross?

My Bumble app called me a “Queen Bee” and I feel uncomfortable about it (there can only be one) (Beyoncé)

I put my number in Kirk’s phone as “Big Booty Ho Beale” last night and forgot to change it back and forgot I did it until he reminded me. So there’s a glass of wine

kristinbeale:

I just went on a Monday-for-lunch date that I thought didn’t go reaaaally great (I’m just not into him) but he texted me on the way home and said “that was the best date I’ve ever been on” and “I’ll buy you blueberries anytime” so now I’m reconsidering. I love blueberries

I accidentally told him I love his son and now he keeps sending me pictures, like lots of pictures. his kid is ugly-cute

exciting news but first a break-down

500 books came in 18 boxes, which is about 27 books per box.

1 book party, a big delivery, and few pre-ordered books sent turns 18 boxes into 3.5 boxes, which is about 94 books. 

That means I sold 406 books so far in under 3 weeks.

The exciting news is I just ordered 500 more books and I have 3 speaking events and 1 more party to attend. My life is the best right now

I just went on a Monday-for-lunch date that I thought didn’t go reaaaally great (I’m just not into him) but he texted me on the way home and said “that was the best date I’ve ever been on” and “I’ll buy you blueberries anytime” so now I’m reconsidering. I love blueberries

the kids next door used to come over all the time and play with Achilles on my porch (and also walk into my house uninvited) then one day I told them to be careful because one day I might be naked in my house AND I HAVE LITERALLY NOT SEEN THEM SINCE. it’s like I scared them away and I don’t know if that’s an insult?

every time someone brings up my book, how much they like it, etc. I happy-cry. I’ve happy-cries LIKE 300 TIMES in the past week. people are so nice to me

A guy in my bible study kept saying the word “duty” and it was so hard to stop secret-laughing. I am 8 years old