Mom says Maddy is “a littler barfer.”
twice
on
my
rug

the worst/only bad part about getting out of the hospital is I have to shave my armpits :(

** wound care by candlelight

I feel like a pilgrim but mom says she doesn’t

this afternoon Achilles and I fell asleep with our faces 5 inches apart, looking into each other’s eyes until we closed them and fell asleep. it was so romantic

Aaron says all my jokes are dad jokes

when Mom is with me at the hospital we do puzzles and watch HGTV. when Dad is with me at the hospital, we watch “8 Heads in a Duffel Bag”

the ONLY fun thing about being in the hospital is not shaving my armpits so my hair will grow long. long, beautiful locks of hair.
gross. good thing I only have 4 known followers to gross out, though

callouses coming off my hand is the itchiest thing that has ever happened to me

I got an email from futureme.org (a website that lets you send an email to yourself in the future) and here it is but I do not remember writing this. Also who is Cleda : 

Yesterday in the office, Cleda looked at me and told me I had been losing weight. The diet and exercise is working. I hope that when you read this, your will power and determination to improve your self and become healthy has not faded. I hope a lean, healthy me is reading this now. I hope you’re smiling. Be proud of yourself. Be proud of what you accomplished. Good luck in all your future endeavors. You’ve accomplished your seemingly biggest hardship. Bring it, world.

Mom watches politics with me for 2 hours straight last night so she’s the perfect roommate

I recognize my night nurse from somewhere but she has seen my hinney so many times that I don’t want to draw attention to it

my hospital nurse started calling me “babe” and “girl” so I think I’ve been here for too long

Mom tied a cherry to a piece of yarn and hung it from the tv in our hospital room

The worst part about being in the hospital is not having my Baby Joe with me. I just can’t believe she’ll be mine when I get out of here. How cool is that

I’m going to name my first born child “MRSA” in honor of this week but also because cute

the only other advantage of being sick (the first is skipping work) / proof that I’m obsessed:
my heart rate gets in the “fat burn zone” when I transfer out of bed, the shower, anywhere. thanks Fit Bit

you better call Achilles with the good hair

I’m taking Prednisone because I lost my hearing.
I’m losing eyesight because I’m taking Prednisone.
I’m Helen Keller deaf mute until I’m off medication on 05/31.
Safe to drive??