if Achilles was food she would be not enough to save

Cody died of corn overdose

I unknowingly pushed a button on my phone while I was getting out of my car that made End of Time by Beyoncé start playing and I thought I was hearing it only in my head like a theme song. Dreams almost came true

ACHILLES INTERNATIONAL IS GOING TO LET ME DO MARINE CORPS MARATHON IN OCTOBER. I am soo excited I wish there was a balloon emoji for the computer

Fruit Splash Mania has made me late for TOO MANY THINGS. I need intervention

I made banana bread today and ate so much that now it hurts when it goes down. seriously it burns

I got 3 ½ compliments on my dress today and MY SECRET I bought it for $12 at Walmart. that was a win

Ladies Night Out HaAaY

her face looks like a hyena from The Lion King AMIRIGHT

my mascara smeared under my eye and it’s waterproof so it won’t/I don’t know how to make it come off and it has been there for 24 hours. BUT IT LOOKS LIKE A TEAR SO THAT’S KIND OF COOL. I look hard

my boss is a personal trainer and he’s the only other person the eats the vegetables and boring healthy food I bring to potlucks at work so I feel nervous eating unhealthy food around him because he’ll think I’m a faker. But somebody made blueberry pie and brought it to work today. FRESH BLUEBERRIES, DUDES. I tried to be sneaky but he saw me. :(

kristinbeale:

there’s a spot on my palm where something bled underneath my skin so now it looks like a freckle and I hope it never goes away

it happened again except this time on the bridge of my nose (BETWEEN MY EYES). I hope it never goes away

TGISun

mini carrots look and taste like crunchy Cheetos

“what was your favorite grade in school?”

“how do you like your steak cooked?”

“have you ever wanted to live on a farm?”

those are my conversation starters from dinner. it was a weird date, okay.

but I did learn how to avoid getting peed on when changing a boy baby’s diaper. there was some value thank you James

A client brought me in a bag of food/socks/Chapstick last week because I was “so nice to her” and helped her when she came in. OREOS are the best/nutritionally worst and she brought me 12 of the golden kind. I’ve hid them in the back of my drawer and been pinching a piece off every day and I thought I ate the last one today so I was throwing away the empty box and THREE MORE came out. God is real

Call Me Maybe on the radio and Mom and I thrash-dance. That’s our song, that’s my girl

Today we had a client whose first name was Queen and middle initial was B and when I looked at the schedule I got SO EXCITED because I thought for only a second that Beyoncé was using Boleman to file for bankruptcy and I was finally going to meet her. But turns out her last name was Robinson and Beyoncé isn’t bankrupt. i was tricked

I listened to Rihanna on the way to work this morning and I feel like my head is going to explode

kristinbeale:

uhhh I’m a lamppost

I don’t remember posting this I apologize