In the shower I heard him singing to Achilles but his voice got louder, softer, louder, softer. I think Dad was walking in circles in the foyer singing to my dog

I sleep so close to Achilles at night that my nose breathes in the air that her nose breathes out. she is my daughter we are connected

oh cool. I feel like I just ate a small child

kristinbeale:

a man that I’m friends took a picture of me on my last day of work. I guess to commemorate. 

but today he sent me the picture with some photoshopped edits on it to make it look like I was wearing makeup (lipstick). he said “Your boyfriend(s) may be startled if you did some of these girlie things.”

HE THINKS I HAVE A BOYFRIEND LOLOLOL

look at the before and after pictures. lipstick looks like I’ve been eating pink icing this is so funny to me

I told Lele that I’m 5’11” and she said I remind her of Bambi. BAMBI THE DEER 

 

also look at that left arm. what is she doing with that left arm.

Achilles keeps throwing her head back like she’s in a spa

I have a stash of treats in my room that I’m going to start rewarding my parents with when they have good behavior. I’m going to train them like rats

I changed the words to “Don’t Cry For Me Argentina” so I could sing it to Achilles tonight. I accidentally called her “Achilles Tina” AND I’M AFRAID THAT I LOVE IT and it’s so funny. Trying not to change Achilles Jones to Achilles Tina but it’s so hard

Lele asked me what my stripper name and without hesitation - “Kinky Kristin.” I’ve been waiting for someone to ask me that for years.

right swiping a relative for revenge

Achilles and I saw a rabbit while we were handcycle today AND IT WOULDN'T MOVE. so I started singing this song and it immediately hopped away. my voice is bad, okay

I just passed her again and she wouldn’t look me in the eye - only straight down at the ground. Maybe she thinks I’m a brat.
or maybe I’m so much overanalyzing.
I AM TUMBLING MID-BIKE RIDE OH MY GOSH

it’s 8pm and liike 95 degrees outside. Me and Achilles are riding my handcycle and we passed by a woman running while we were going uphill and I wanted to CONGRATULATE her for being athletic even though it’s so hot outside so I said
“good for you.”
Except I was going uphill so out of breath and it came out to sound bitter and kind of mean. HAHAHA I wonder if she though I was being a brat. Like
“good for you for being able to run with your legs. stop showing off.”
because that’s the tone that came out. Hahaha funny

I dropped a blueberry down my shirt this morning and it fell out at lunchtime. This day is full of surprises

Old people just fart. They don’t care who hears it- they just fart.

Mom left a voicemail on my phone for “River Jones.”
I AM NOT HER SECRETARY.

There’s a lady in the waiting room that keeps burping and it’s so hard not to laugh

I asked Mom if she remembers Ross, friend from college. And look at our conversation
“Is he black?”
No
“Is he gay?”
No
“I thought all of your friends from college were black or gay.”

HAHAHA mom

Every time Matt walks past the front desk and/or completes a task he says “turn down for what” and I’m the only person that laughs anymore in the background. it’s so funny though