I asked Mom if she remembers Ross, friend from college. And look at our conversation
“Is he black?”
No
“Is he gay?”
No
“I thought all of your friends from college were black or gay.”

HAHAHA mom

Every time Matt walks past the front desk and/or completes a task he says “turn down for what” and I’m the only person that laughs anymore in the background. it’s so funny though

Professor Jones

first night with a hospital bed IN MY ROOM. not as bad as I thought because Mom who bought a comforter for it that I like so much(aw). Also Achilles sleeps in the neck of my hourglass-like figure so

the next person that makes me angry I’m going to call a “pee-butt”

kristinbeale:

I never thought sunburnt lips could feel this good

update: my mouth is always dry and the left side (the sunburnt side) is scratchy. Good thing I don’t have any boys to kiss for LIKE the next 3 years.
because this is not fun anymore

I’m just guy who loves making movies

I never thought sunburnt lips could feel this good

(starting at :08) I’ve had this song stuck in my head for two hours. help

Achilles was crying (SOBBING) out of her left eye and I can’t figure out why. only her left eye

I can't stop eating almonds.

like I’m not hungry for any meal because I eat so many almonds between every meal. call me a squirrel

the most attractive girl at my work gave me eyeliner and invited me out for drinks today. I think I have finally made it

Mr. President what are you doing

in the shower I just caught myself personifying and talking to my shampoo and conditioner bottles. by the time I realized what I was doing I was already in conversation and couldn’t just stop, ya know? that would be rude.

I am losing touch

I had an allergic reaction to a medicine and broke out in hives on both of my thighs so it looks like I have acne.
Back acne –> bacne
So leg acne –> lacne ?
I have lacne.

kristinbeale:

Robin bought a box of Krispy Kreme donuts and left them in the break room for anyone to have and I’ve been staring at them for 15 minutes. I’m all alone so no one would know BUT MY FIGURE. my ladylike figure would know

Update: I got a spoon and spooned off a piece of the best looking one (it was very hard to resist a tiny piece). But now it looks like some jerk took a mouth-bite and put it back in the box. Oops
No one will ever suspect me because they know I don’t like sugar. I feel guilty and nervous

worms on the roof

it has been 2 hours why hasn’t he responded

I’m having email conversations with several apartment complex managers at once right now and one of them is apartment in the old COOKIE FACTORY. Literally my dream come true for obvious reasons. I love cookies
Do the guy just got back to me from my question about 1. If their units are wheelchair accessible and 2. If they allow dogs. He said yes wheelchair access, no to dogs. deal breaker
but
I misunderstood him and got him mixed up with another complex that said they hate people in wheelchairs/no accessibility/blatant discrimination.
AND I RESPONDED IN AN UGLY WAY
so out of character. but claps for standing up for myself.
THEN I REALIZED MY MISTAKE.
and wrote him back with a long apology.
“I grew a tiny fang in my last email and I’m a tiny bit embarrassed so let’s laugh this off and keep talking about Southern Stove Lofts.”
Meanwhile it’s 9pm on a Friday night so he’s not there and I’m filling up his inbox.
so anyway
I’m going to live in my parents’ house forever because I send all the surrounding apartment managers mean emails

Today is Thursday and I’m wearing underwear that says “Thursday” on it. I really feel like I have my act together