Achilles fell asleep with her coon in her mouth

I spend from 8am to 12pm at work looking forward to lunch. I am finally a man

I’m so glad I have a family that I can text message unflattering pictures to

kristinbeale:

There’s another Kristin that works in this office so they nicknamed me “K2.”
I
don’t
know about that.

I was just formally introduced but I greeted her as “my other half.” uncomfortable fake laugh

There’s another Kristin that works in this office so they nicknamed me “K2.”
I
don’t
know about that.

THIS IS INTERESTING

“Just as damaging as a madman shooting a deadly weapon is someone who lies to a friend and then says, “I was only joking.”
(Proverbs 26:18-19)

getting gas in Richmond

I just met, talked to, told old personal life stories to a man named Mufa at the station for 15 minutes while I was getting gas. INTIMATE DETAILS but I told them for some reason.
He’s homeless for 8 years; 3 children; wife left him for another man in Charlottesville; on probation for 7 years; using the dollar I gave him to buy dinner at 7 Eleven. and he even says he’ll be my boyfriend.

then he gave me a hug and trotted away. omg

it’s quick, it’s easy and it’s free: pouring river water in your socks

Achilles scratched at the door until she fell asleep. I’ve been ignoring her for so long

Walgreens called me and told me I have a prescription so I picked it up and it is a laxative. I am so confused.

Laxatives are
literally
my worst nightmare.

I thought Beyonce’s self-titled album was meh. but Partition

there’s a spot on my palm where something bled underneath my skin so now it looks like a freckle and I hope it never goes away

on one side of my mouth I have a cocoa roasted almond and on the other side I have a pesto pita puff. I don’t know what’s wrong with me I’m like a hamster tonight

I sang along every word to the theme song of Gilmore Girls to Achilles today in my loudest voice (home alone) and I don’t know how. I didn’t think I’ve seen the show more than twice in my life

this song is stuck in my head. over and over and over i sing it

Last name Ana, First name Ban

I thought I was hilarious for saying this then I told Arthur and he didn’t laugh and I realized it wasn’t very funny. pardon me

My new toothpaste tastes like sausage pizza I’m not kidding

happy half birthday, Achilles Jones
(new treats, new toys, party) 

I GOT THE JOB I GOT THE JOB

when he offered it to me and asked me if I want to work for the company (Boleman Law Firm) I said “yes” maaaybe 3 times. also shoutout to Shelley for being the best