I <3 nosebleeds in the shower

so the blood will land on my stomach and I can watch it be watered down and slide away. it’s fascinating

I asked Achilles why she treats me like her boyfriend and she looked at me so serious.

no love in those eyes

someone just asked me if I’m “interested in a one night stand.”
OH MY GOSH
GET ME OUT OF HERE

kristinbeale:

I made a new friend I made a new friend I made a new friend I made a new friend I made a new friend I made a new friend I made a new friend I made a new friend I made a new friend I made a new friend I made a new friend I made a new friend

false alarm. just another horny guy

“‘Zerts’ are what I call desserts. ‘Trée-trées’ are entrées. I call sandwiches ‘sammies,’ ‘sandoozles,’ or ‘Adam Sandlers.’ Fried chicken is ‘fry-fry chicky-chick.’ Chicken parm is ‘chicky-chicky-parm-parm.’ I call eggs ‘pre-birds,’ or ‘future birds.’ Root beer is ‘super water.’ Tortillas are ‘bean blankets.’ And I call forks ‘food rakes.’”

— Tom Haverford

writing letters that I’ll never send

I just met up with a guy at Tropical Smoothie and I talked for so long about what I bought at the grocery store and then about my frozen grapes. he pretended like he was interested so well. (we didn’t hit it off) (but that’s okay seriously))

my shift is passing by quickly because Plants vs. Zombies 2

I remember when Bill Byrd taught me what a dingleberry is

   

WHY DO GIRLS ALWAYS STICK THEIR NASTY TONGUES OUT IN PICTURES NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THAT

  

I feel like people named Kayla are doomed

a boy just asked me to come over for drinks and I said “no but I will bring over my MIO to put in a glass of water." 

WAY TO KILL THE MOOD, KRISTIN

I made a new friend I made a new friend I made a new friend I made a new friend I made a new friend I made a new friend I made a new friend I made a new friend I made a new friend I made a new friend I made a new friend I made a new friend

people that have their read receipts turned on

make

text messaging

fun again.

all I do these days is lay in bed with my eyes closed and listen to Achilles hump things

her lips

I looked like Jonathan Taylor Thomas when I was little

people spend too much time on facebook

wooseann:

this beautiful couple got married today! Stole this picture from @joshguda since I couldn’t take any! Thanks bra 

I AM SO ANGRY AT SICKNESS FOR MAKING ME MISS THIS but I am so excited about how great this picture is i love it/you both/everything so much

I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M DRY HEAVING ON THE DAY OF JULIA’S WEDDING