Things I’m teaching Malachi that miiiight be a problem (but it’s OK I don’t care):

• Firing a fart cannon (throwing his fart) at me every night before bed

• We play a “ where the Gummies?” game every day at night time where he has to reach on my shirt and get the Gummies that I stuck somewhere in my bra

• Poops are still “turd worms”. I hope this one sticks